We're revived. Here's our book stack that we started on for my littles (3 boys, ages 4, 5, and 8)
1. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
2. Charlotte's Web
3. Little House in the Big Woods
4. Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH
5. Where the Sidewalk Ends
Thanks for the inspiration, Sarah at Amongst Lovely Things. I have never really done read-aloud. I WANTED to, but it always slipped through the cracks. Now I don't know why I never did it. It's awesome. My boys are loving it. It beats family game time for quality time, hands down.
Read on, folks!
Friday, September 13, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Homeschooling Through College: Our First Experience
Subtitled: "Things that make you go, "Hmmmm."
Every year for the past 8 years I have posted a homeschool
show and tell, outlining our curriculum choices, schedule/routine, methods,
philosophies, and ideas. This year, I
want to share about our homeschool college experience.
My 19-year-old is just days... literally a few days... away
from completing his bachelor's degree in Business Administration, and then he
will just be three college classes short of CPA requirements (he's done nearly
the equivalent of 5 years of college, taking extra accounting courses for “fun”).
And he did it from home.
When he was 14, I began praying in earnest for God to lead me
in how to do his high school years wisely and well, with the finished product
being a mature, wise young man who was ready to go anywhere God called him and
do anything.... ready for college, work, adventure of any kind.
Right at that time, I went to a homeschool convention and
watched a presentation by a company called CollegePlus who explained the wisdom
behind combining high school and college work.
They asked why you would want your child to do four years of standard
high school subjects and then turn around and pay up to $100,000 to a college
to repeat those same subjects the first two years of college to complete the
general education requirements for most degrees? They explained how it was
possible to do college through distance learning faster and for less
money, even during high school. But even if high school was completed, it was still wiser to do college from home, more quickly and more affordably.
Hmmm. That made me think about how my 14-year-old son was
bored with school. I knew I could throw
any 11th or 12th grade curriculum at him and he wouldn't
even have to lift a finger to complete it, and I wasn't up to the pestering
that was going to be involved to motivate him.
Would challenging him with a college-level course be the way to go?
So, after hearing all the other practical things that the
CollegePlus program had to offer (like bachelor's degrees for as little as
$6,000, from home, by the age of 17, using one's high school subjects to earn
college credit), I decided to lay out a fleece.
I was pretty confident I wouldn't be pushing my son too hard. His standardized test results, then at the age of 14, had
just placed him at the college level in all subjects (13+ Grade Level Equivalent on the ITBS). I knew he was bored. My fleece: I
offered him a college level video course to try. It was a Financial Accounting
course from Villanova School of Business (I had it “lying around” because I had
done a review of it for TOS Magazine).
He was instantly challenged, motivated, and excited. And weirdly enough,
discovered that he passionately loved accounting (I didn't see that one
coming--but in retrospect, I should have!). But for the first time ever, he
excitedly set to work at his video lectures, taking notes, and completing
assignments, telling me several times a day, “I really love this!”
Oh my! I had never heard anything like that before! I knew now we definitely needed college level stuff.
So I laid out another fleece. I told him as soon as he
completed his Algebra II (VideoText Interactive) and Geometry (Saxon... because I got it for free in exchange for a review), we would try studying for the College
Mathematics CLEP test, a test that many colleges accept for six general
education credits towards a degree. If
he was able to pass it, then we would enroll him in the CollegePlus program to
start working on college credits for high school. He finished his math, studied
the CLEP materials for six weeks, finding some tips online, and then took and
passed the examination. Seventy dollars. Six college credits. Age 15.
So, we applied to CollegePlus, and they accepted him. They don't often take 15-year-olds, but he had already passed a tough CLEP. They had no problem signing him up. We paid the $2,500 annual fee. They
outlined his degree plan, test by test and class by class, incorporating any
resources we had (like free classes at a local college where my father was a
Dean--free tuition for grandkids!), and they assigned him a coach who called him once per month or more to
encourage him with his study methods and schedule, to help him schedule his
test dates, and to just generally encourage him and pray with him. And he got started. CollegePlus knew how to line up the tests and
courses so the knowledge built cumulatively for each successive test. They also
had tested and tried the study resources and recommended the most helpful
books, websites, and other resources—different kinds for different learning
types. They also offered a student forum
where the kids posted exam tips (i.e., “Be sure to know these four principles,”
and “I passed using this book and this website to study”). They posted his degree plan online with a
workable checklist that updated every time he passed a test or a course, so he
could see his progress towards his degree… test by test, credit by credit.
Motivating!
Now, when a student first signs up with CollegePlus, they
start with some pre-college readiness things as part of their program, and my
son did do their speed-reading course and Advanced Communications Course (by
IEW). They also offer something called “Life Purpose Planning,” which is designed to help kids discover their God-given strengths and desires, helping them to possibly choose a field of study. But I told them
that we would not do that with them, because it was my job to shepherd my child
to discovering his life purpose. I didn't want someone else's written “Bible” study/program
helping my boy discover his purpose. But that was just our decision. We had also already decided, because of our son's young age, and the fact that we were treating this program as his high school, it wasn't time to worry about career choices or callings just yet. We decided that for a young man, a degree in General Business Management is wise all-around. And, we already knew that he loved accounting, too.
We got his 10th grade World History Course (Alpha
Omega LifePacs). He finished the entire year's course in two weeks. Then we added the recommended
study tools for the World Civilization CLEP test. He studied an additional six
weeks.
We were still homeschooling. This was still high school. I was still his
teacher. I helped him look over the
different test resources and helped him learn how to choose ones that worked
best for his learning preferences (you quickly learn to find textbooks/resources
in the best writing style for your learning type! Or even YouTube video
lectures!). I taught him how to look at the breakdown of test topics and come
up with a topical study plan to “attack” his resources (instead of trying to
read a textbook cover to cover). I
assigned him study exercises when necessary, like lists of terms to master,
organizational charts to draw, and note cards to make. He took his World Civilizations I CLEP test.
$70. Three credits. Now he had 9 college credits.
He got his 11th grade US History Course, and
completed it in a few weeks. We added the additional CLEP study resources. He
continued to learn how to write a great study plan, and attack those textbooks
by topic, and make good note cards and other helpful tools. $70. Three credits in U.S. History. Then another $70. Three credits for Civil War
History (an elective).
He got his 12th grade Economics and American
Government course. He completed the Economics.
He studied for the Microeconomics CLEP.
He passed. 3 Credits. He studied
for the Macroeconomics CLEP. He passed.... on his second try, but still at age
16. 3 Credits. He studied for the American Government
CLEP. Passed. Then he studied for his
Social Sciences CLEP, which was 6 credit hours, and combined his cumulative
knowledge of geography (a class he had completed for 9th grade), history, economics, and politics—add a bit of psychology. He passed.
Get the picture? Let's keep going on our college journey....
He finished his HS science course. I chose The Rainbow
2-year-Science, which covered physics, chemistry, and biology, with labs, which is sold as Jr. High course, but I compared it to other HS courses, and this was the wiser choice, and I decided is was more than enough to equal the three required HS sciences. It turned out to be a very wise choice. He studied 6 extra weeks and then passed his
Natural Sciences CLEP (covers Physics, Chemistry and Biology) for six more college credits--and it wasn't that difficult. And, just last month as I was ordering "refills" of this science program for his younger sister, I just discovered he didn't even complete the entire second year of labs... I forgot to order the lab book and supplies for year 2. He just did the textbook work. He still had no problems with his CLEP. HINT: I'm saying The Rainbow Science is an excellent choice for High School Science, unless your child wants to BE a scientist, or doctor, etc. It is not too much, all 3 sciences can be done in 2 years, and it teaches so thoroughly, that my son had no problem passing the College exam. And it comes with everything needed for the labs... right down to the dish soap, vegetable oil, toothpicks, foil, flashlight, lighter, and more. You never have to hold up or skip an experiment due to lack of supplies. It's all there, at a GREAT price!
Okay. Plug over.
Okay. Plug over.
College Composition was a bit harder for him—a reluctant
writer all his life. Weeks of nagging would produce a pitiful one-page report at about age 12.
Did I say weeks? Maybe months. Creative writing to him was trying to get as much information as possible into as few words as possible. But after perseverance and a second try, he
passed that. I had to take the Legos away, AND even threaten to take away his
truck to get him to write his practice essays! But he got them written.
He enrolled in the local vocational college at age 16 (where we had the benefit of free tuition), now that he was
driving, and began taking all the accounting courses, one or two at a time, one
or two nights a week. By this time he knew he wanted to become an accountant,
most likely, after earning his Business
Management degree. The classroom courses were a BREEZE compared to the CLEP tests--simple homework assignments! You see, CLEP tests--you may think you're taking the "easy" way out. But the opposite is true. In a classroom for a college class, you are just learning one teacher and one textbook. To pass a CLEP exam, you have to know "all teachers and all textbooks." You have to have a mastery of all the relevant knowledge of the subject.
Anyway, he enjoyed going to the school, being a bit independent, testing his wings. He came home almost every day thanking me for homeschooling him and teaching him to be respectful and diligent.
He was easily able to continue studying for CLEP tests while taking classes. CollegePlus was our liaison to make sure courses he completed at this college would apply towards his degree, which was being coordinated through Thomas Edison State College in New Jersey. Not all of them did. He took extra accounting classes in anticipation of going on to earn a CPA. He took Welding and Advanced Welding, and received his certificate. He took small engine repair. He had fun. He has earned money doing welding and tractor/mower/weed eater/4-wheeler repairs for people, too!
Anyway, he enjoyed going to the school, being a bit independent, testing his wings. He came home almost every day thanking me for homeschooling him and teaching him to be respectful and diligent.
He was easily able to continue studying for CLEP tests while taking classes. CollegePlus was our liaison to make sure courses he completed at this college would apply towards his degree, which was being coordinated through Thomas Edison State College in New Jersey. Not all of them did. He took extra accounting classes in anticipation of going on to earn a CPA. He took Welding and Advanced Welding, and received his certificate. He took small engine repair. He had fun. He has earned money doing welding and tractor/mower/weed eater/4-wheeler repairs for people, too!
He got the top grade in every course he took at the college. And
when he wrote his first paper for a class, as he was still “homeschooled and in
high school” I offered to redline his paper for him. My jaw dropped when I read it. I thought he
had plagiarized it off the internet!
Nope. He had actually, finally, learned to write a beautiful, logical,
college paper! He was really learning to study and apply himself by this
time... exactly what I had wanted for him to learn! He was accomplishing the goals I had for him for High School. He got 100% on every paper he wrote from that point forward! (God is so good, how He leads! You do not know what a miracle this is!)
And that is how it went, one class at a time. Analyzing and Interpeting Literature,
Operations Management, Human Resources Management, Organizational Behavior,
Strategic Management, Precalculus, ... I don't even know what else. Some of the
classes were CLEP tests. Some of them
were DANTES tests. Some of them, towards
the end here, were online courses (ALEKS for math, and online classes through
Thomas Edison State College), and some of them were self-paced study classes and he
took a test administered by Thomas Edison State College through a “proctor” on
a local campus. Class after class, credit after credit. One at a time. As he
earned each college credit, it went on his High School Transcript, too, of
course. He built both his high school and his college transcript at the same time.
When he reached the age of 17 and was a “junior” in college (because he
had acquired nearly 90 of the 120 credits towards his degree), I politely
notified our state that our son was considered “graduated” and was now a
full-time college student. I asked to have him excused from the compulsory attendance age early, and said I would no longer be turning in homeschool
notifications. They seemed to have no problem with this (I never got another letter from them asking to renew his notification, which I get every year for my kids). His high school transcript would have just been ridiculous if I included everything on it. I included all the state recommended graduation requirements and enough electives to look "motivated," and I let him graduate high school that year at our state homeschool
convention, one year earlier than he would have graduated in public school.
We took our time. No rushing. Reasonable, yet still challenging, study schedules, one subject at a time. At age 17, he started working full time at a job that was great for his age--at a popular zipline tour company (we live in a scenic tourist area). His bosses
noticed his maturity, knowledge and achievements. I won't even go into how he has succeeded in
his work, only to say that he is the youngest boss his current company has ever
had (they made an exception to their 18-year-old age limit when they hired him
at age 17), getting promoted past several senior colleagues, even the managers
in training. And one of his bosses often calls him off the job to come into the
office to help him with his online College Algebra (his boss is in his 20's).
And now we are, here, today.
He is in his final class... a self-paced online Statistics course. He thinks he will be done this week. And he
will have earned his Bachelor's Degree in Business Management. It is a tough class for him. And the
programming arrangement of the class is very difficult, tedious, and repetitive (not very efficient—you’re
more learning how to give the program what it wants than learning the actual
math). But he’s almost done. I walk by his room every night and say, “Go!
Go! Go!” Cheering him on!
And we’ve done it. I
can say we’ve met the homeschooling goals I had for him. He is, first of all,
wise, and loves God, and lives for God.
He’s had to take a stand in the classroom and at work, and he withstood
the testing and earned respect for his character. And he can communicate, write well, study new
material, research, debate, discuss, pass tests, conquer new challenges… basically he is ready to go
anywhere and do anything God calls him to do. When he applied for his current
job, he had to do an intensive training and study for a test. They told him he got the
highest test score ever in company history.
He laughed… “Mom, that test was NOTHING!” Oh… he’s prepared!
He was quite the trailblazer as our eldest. We prayed through
this every step of the way. We took a
lot of criticism. A LOT. But nobody is
criticizing now. People are proud of him, and coming around. Some of our critics have even started to see the wisdom in what we did. We didn't "rob" him of the college experience. First of all, we "saved" him from it. Secondly, we prepared him for college, so if God does call him to go to regular college, he will go, and he will take it by storm.
Some people hear that he has earned his bachelor’s degree at
age 19 and think I was a drill sergeant and pushed him, or that he was an
academic prodigy who lived inside his textbooks voluntarily. Nope. He’s an average kid who never really
loved school. Correction: He still doesn't love school. But he loves wisdom. He pursues that. And he only did one class at a time. How hard is that?
There are wiser ways to do things when you think outside the
box. That is what makes homeschooling so wonderful. We didn’t consider putting our son through
someone else’s predesigned educational system.
Sadly, when it comes to high school, many people don’t think there are
any other options than to follow what the schools do, or other homseschoolers do. Even most of the homeschool curricula copies what the high schools do, add in your particular religious bent. Nothing wrong with that, really. Everyone needs basic skills. But.... Hmmmmm. We prayed, and then we did it differently. We tried to be a
better steward of our son’s time, and resources, and choose the best way for
him to reach his God given calling and potential, thinking about what was wise for him to learn, and to be prepared.
Academics are not the rule, and not the goal. Godliness is, and training your child to be who God made Him to be. Wisdom is what is to be pursued above all else, and fear of the Lord. What school program does that? Yes, preparing your child to fulfill God's purpose in his life most likely means knowing how to read and write well, do basic math, and have some reasoning skills. But wisdom should always be sought above all. Seek wisdom...then comes knowledge. We sought the path of wisdom for our son, and the knowledge came... in buckets. His is prepared fully and well, and we know it is of God.
As a side note, I also know the main secret to my son's success. He is reaping the promised blessing that God gives to children who honor and obey their parents. The verse says, "Honor thy father and mother, that it may go well with thee in the land that I have given thee..." "Well" in this verse interpets as "thriving, successful, prospering." I am able to tell my son with confidence that it is going well with him, not because of his own efforts, but because he has always chosen to honor God by choosing to honor and obey his parents. Sometimes that choice was a struggle, but he always made the right choice. This is his biggest testimony of all.
Are we going to do it this way for every child? I honestly can’t say! God will lead. He always
does. I know some children just don’t
need college—and that is their clear calling. I have a dear friend whose eldest was clearly called NOT to go to college, and her son is thriving in every way, where God has clearly called Him. He is not lacking anywhere, but succeeding above and beyond, prospering. And as I keep tabs on his progress, it is amazing and heartwarming and miraculous. Because she let God lead, and her son did the same.
My daughter who is 14, is planning to study music (she sings in a competitive/performance choir that operates at the equivalent level of college master's degree students). She already has achieved the same college
level results on her standardized tests… so why waste her high school years? I
can already tell if I hand her High School curriculum, it will not be enough of
a challenge. It will just be busy work. And I’m too busy raising a bunch of
littles to be the one who challenges her. So… college it is. She will begin taking her CLEP tests for her
general education credits as she studies each subject for high school (and we
already have all the college textbooks from my son!). Unlike my son, writing will be the easy test
for her, math will be much harder. Where my son was the master at the shortest writing assignments ever, her same workbooks have extra paper taped to her pages as extensions so she could write more!
The CollegePlus program does offer a
Bachelor’s Degree in Music, and the same college where my son earned his
accounting credits most likely will have the music courses she needs to
complete this degree. The plan is to work on the Bachelors of Music for her high
school transcript, then when she graduates high school (with her Bachelor’s
degree done, or nearly done), she will be prepared to apply for a master’s program for music at the college of our choice. That is the
plan. God is welcome to change it as we go.
We don't have to go through CollegePlus, now that we've learned how it all works. We'll probably do her first 30 general education credits independently, but then we will enroll her in CollegePlus because of the wonderful services and benefits they offer.
My favorite conversation we have had about this experience
with people, repeatedly….
Them: “But what are you going to do about a high school
diploma?”
Me: “He’s getting a
Bachelor’s Degree.”
Silence.
Things that make you go, “Hmmmmm.”
Ten (+2) Parenting Exhortations
This is a repost that I think is timely for homeschooling families. Now that we have all the curriculum chosen, bought, arranged, and the academic part of our school year is underway, I want to encourage my fellow homeschooling mamas "in the cracks," as in, "the mortar that holds our homes together."
CHILD TRAINING EXHORTATIONS
For the homeschooling mother, the start of a new homeschool year is more of the time to make fresh starts and new resolutions than New Year's Eve.
In the past, I have written many, many posts on child training. I could have reposted any of them, but I would like to record my thoughts today (9/2012) as I am pondering getting our new school year off on the right foot. Here are some of my important child training reminders, in no particular order, to help us start things off right. Maybe you will find an idea that will help, encourage, and inspire you! I need reminders of all these that came to my mind! I will keep striving to glorify the Lord in teaching the children He has given to me!
1. Listen
For your infants, be in tune to their cries and stop to think about what they may be telling you they need. Sometimes they are hungry or tired before their scheduled time, sometimes a tooth decided to make a big push, sometimes they are bored (and need something new and interesting) or lonely (and need some interaction--have the older sibling take turns!). Listen to their giggles and smiles, and respond with your own. Listen to their "words," and repeat back what they say. They will be delighted to be "talking" to you! Listen to their heartbeat, and praise God for His miracles. Listen to their sweet breathing, and pray for blessing upon them.
For your littles, get down to their level when they are talking to you, and look them in the eyes. Answer their questions. If they are telling you something, ask your own questions to show you are interested and listening. You will be amazed at how much you can learn about their personalities, their heart's desires, their interests, the way they think, their troubles, and their confusions! Often they will come to you with problems--especially problems with their siblings. Listen to how they were hurt or frustrated. Sympathize, and empathize. Then you will see how much more easily they will listen to you when you encourage them how to fix the problems! When your 7yo thinks he is being funny, take delight on his behalf and laugh at his humor even if you can't laugh at his joke! If he think he's discovered something new and interesting, take delight in his enthusiasm, and match his enthusiasm with your own enthusiasm for the person that he is! His new idea that he could pick up all the Legos one at a time with a pair of tweezers deserves enthusiasm or at least an interested comment or question! "That might take you until bedtime! Would you like me to plan on serving your dinner here?" How delightful to hear his laugh when he realizes you listened took joy in his creative idea! How disappointing if you would have said, "Just get them picked up NOW!"
For the middles to olders, they want you to start listening as more of an equal. Their thoughts feel very grown up at times, and need you to consider their thoughts as such when you listen and respond. They need you to take them seriously. Ask lots of questions. Appeal to their heart and their conscience when you give counsel, and let them make the decision for wisdom in their own minds (they can choose rightly if you present the options). Pay attention to when they are in the mood to talk and JUMP on the opportunity. You will know--because they will start talking about nothing or nonsense, or stalk you for no reason, or pester in one little way or another. That may be their way of telling you they need to figure something out--and they may not know what. Use your words to search them out and help them find their way. When you are listening, remember yourself at that age and have empathy and compassion for their thoughts and struggles, not condemnation or impatience.
2. Love
Sometimes we find ourselves in those moments with our children. You know... THOSE moments. Where there is ultimate frustration on both sides. There is something that will always work in those moments. Love.
Because love never fails. When all our other understanding or best child training efforts fail, remember that love never fails.
Despair. End-of-the-rope. "I don't have the heart to correct this child one more time." Tired. Crabby. Misunderstood. Defiant. Crazy. Willful. Stubborn. "I don't know what to do!" "I never should have become a mother!" "Is my child going to grow up to be a psycho?" "Go to your room." "I don't even want to talk to you right now." "I don't know what to do with you!"
Well, now you know. Go to them. Without words. And pour the love of Jesus Christ upon them. Open your arms, and let them be the arms of Jesus loving them, right in the middle of all the mess.
I remember the day I learned this. My oldest was 9. I had flipped out on him for something--something in my eyes that was a serious and repetitive disobedience over something simple, and sent him to his room until I calmed down enough to deal with him. I went into the kitchen to pray about how to correct him, how to teach him. And the Holy Spirit very clearly impressed upon me, "Love him." I made him a grilled cheese sandwich and some hot chocolate. I took it to his room--where he was waiting to "get in trouble." I walked in, said, "Here, I made you a snack." Then I hugged him, and told him I loved him, and that I was sorry for losing my temper. I asked him to forgive me for hurting him. I assured him I would pray about becoming a wiser parent. I told him how pleased I was with him, and told him again I loved him.
He just started crying.
Love definitely never fails.
Even if the child you are trying to love does not seem to be in the mood to be loved, the words of Scripture still hold true. Offer it anyway. It will not fail. It will accomplish It's purpose.
3. Erase
Love keeps no record of wrongs. Your children need you to forgive them and offer them a clean slate continually--just like Jesus offers to you every moment of every day, should you accept it. Your children do not need the burden of their past wrongs. Correct them, then forgive them, then forget. Repeat. When they stand before you, mentally wipe their slate clean, and accept them in the moment for who they are. By doing this, you are showing them Jesus, and the work He did for them. This is one way your children can grow to truly know Jesus and all He has done for them.
It is so wearying to train a child with their whole list of past offenses piled up in your brain. It is too much of a mess to try to shepherd that! There are enough troubles for today! There is enough grace for today.
4. Set the Example
Don't just set the example. Be TWICE what you want your children to become. If you want them to be wise in the time they spend watching movies or TV, then you watch NONE. If you want them to be wise with their internet time, then make yours next to nothing. You want them to eat wisely? Have patience? Be forgiving? Prioritize wisely? Study God's Word? Pray? Work diligently? Organize? Spend money wisely?
Practice what you teach. Completely. Thoroughly.
And when you don't? Confess. Ask forgiveness. Let them see your example of continual repentance and seeking hard after God's best.
Also, teach your elder children to always be conscious of the example they set for their younger siblings. Make sure they feel the weight of that responsibility! Your child training will be so much easier when the elder children set the example. I have not had to teach my 7yo how to keep his dresser drawers organized--because of his older brother's example. Each subsequent child I have homeschooled has been that much easier, regardless of learning style or love of academics, because of the trickle-down effect of the example set doing schoolwork. Same for chores, quietness, patience, manners, giving, yielding, helpfulness, self-control, obedience, and faith.
5. Be Consistent
Especially with the infants and toddlers. Your 8-month-old will test you on this! He will go after the electrical outlet repeatedly. And if he gets away with it even once because you did not want to get up from the couch or leave your computer or your phone call or your cooking or your cleaning--then you will have lost all ground in your training.
Be consistent in the little things: sitting nicely at the table, pestering, whining, table manners, picking up toys, breaking things, throwing rocks, arguing with siblings, boundaries (as in what and what not to touch), putting things in the right place, not interrupting, quickly obeying or stopping at the word "No" or "Stop" (for safety's sake), etc. If these things aren't important enough for you to stop what you're doing to correct EVERY TIME, then why would they ever think they are important? It makes you double-minded in your example, and teaches nothing.
6. Appeal to their Knowledge of Good vs. Evil
Thanks to Adam and Eve eating from the Tree of Life, we are all born with this knowledge: the inner sense of right vs. wrong, wise vs. foolish, good vs. evil. Even two year olds can understand wise behavior versus foolish behavior. As you are teaching and correcting, explain why something is wise and why something is foolish. My 7yo thinks is is ridiculous to even ask him anymore. He learned long ago that when analyzing wise vs. foolish actions, foolish behavior leads to trouble, injury, suffering, and death. Boys eat this up. Get your children in the habit of choosing wise, good, and right, and eschewing wrong, bad, and foolish.
7. Prioritize
Next to loving God and submitting to/being a helpmeet to your husband, your children are your next priority. Do they know that? Or do they see other things crowding them out--your internet time, your phone time, your projects. Put your children where they belong. Hang up that phone if your child needs something--it does NOT have to be an emergency. What message does that send? That your child only ranks slightly lower than a catastrophic emergency? Shut off the computer. Put away your project to do one of theirs. I stopped writing this blog post many times to instantly attend to my children in various ways: cuddle and rock the teething baby, play with the baby, listen to and respond to the other children with my undivided attention, etc. They need to know how important they are to me, because I represent how important they are to Jesus.
8. Practice Patience
Impatience is a symptom of selfishness. It reveals that your agenda was interrupted or disturbed by someone else's actions. It is glorious for all involved if you take the things you want (your quiet time, your computer time, your anything...) and burn it up as a sacrifice to the Lord. Poof! Gone. When you have no selfish desires, and can put others first (as Jesus commands us to do), patience will prevail, and so many child training issues will be instantly resolved. Practice, practice, practice!
I caught myself today telling my 3yo to hurry, hurry, hurry. He had just used the bathroom and, as always, needed help cleaning himself and getting his underwear and pants back on. I said, "Come on! Mommy likes you to HURRY with this!" Then I realized what I was doing. I like him to hurry because it interrupts what I am doing--like typing this post. I stopped and looked at things from his perspective. I never want him to rush when he is going to the bathroom--I tell him so all the time. What a mixed message when I tell him to hurry! Also, 3yo boys are fascinated by the whole process, right down to watching carefully the flushing process. I also noticed that my 3yo likes my loving attention as I carefully help him back into his clothes. We usually do a little poem (one, two, buckle my shoe...), and we say some mushy things and I give him hugs and kisses. Why would I rush this time? Because I am SELFISH! I stopped my impatience immediately. I told him I was sorry for wanting him to hurry. I sacrificed my blog writing for the moment (took the desire to sit and type and mentally burned it up on an altar and watched it go up in smoke), and took my time enjoying my few moments with my 3yo, which ended with him giving me a sweet hug and kiss and telling me in his adorable voice, "I'm your best friend."
9. Faith
Always be building your children's faith in God, who is ALWAYS good, ALWAYS right, and ALWAYS has everything under control and working as part of His perfect plan. They must be exhorted at all times that God is good and that He can be trusted: rainstorms, illness, frustrating situations, injuries, hot weather, cold weather, hurts, sadness, death, bee stings... your children must continually be taught that although God may not cause these things, nothing happens that He does not allow. They must be taught that our feelings of sadness or hurt over something does not mean it is a bad thing--it means God has allowed something for our good, as always, and we just can't see or feel the good yet. If your children are not taught this, you rob them of faith, and that is a most serious and dangerous thing indeed. For without faith, it is impossible to please God. People who don't have a strong underlying faith that God is good and all powerful will stumble, and then create something they can believe in--usually a prepackaged form of God/the Gospel/Doctrine that explains things to their understanding. Faith in pretty Statements of Faith is not faith. Faith is believing in things unseen, mysteries--trusting God with all we do not understand. Your child must be taught that they do NOT need to understand. They must trust.
If you can't trust God with everything, then you've got nothing. If God is not good and only good, then you've got nothing. If God is not perfectly right about everything, then you've got NOTHING. No hope. No help. No counsel. No nothing.
There is God, and there is nothing else.
10. Appetite
Train your children's appetites by limiting their intake of worldly things and offering them "good" food.
Entertainment is full of subtle trouble. Even "The Little Mermaid" sends a dangerous message: Rebel against your father because you don't agree with him, and you will get your own way in the end and live happily ever after. Watching TV builds an appetite for laziness--in thought and deed, not to mention the attitudes and examples served up, cleverly disguised as family-friendly and/or educational programming. If you allow TV or movies, you need to be aware of everything they watch, and take the responsibility to help your children sort out the messages between wise things versus foolish things, good vs. evil, and right vs. wrong. You will be teaching them to measure everything against the Word, and to take their thoughts captive to Christ.
Limit TV and video game time. Seriously. Perhaps 1/2 hour of video games per day (and games that would not offend Christ, at that). Children who play too much, even simple racing games, Super Mario, or Pac Man, will have behavior problems due to stress and over excitement. It is not normal for any child to be faced with dying 300 times per day, like what happens in a video game. Children's brains are not meant for that type of stress, yet parents all over the world are serving it up in giant proportions. Why? Let's be honest. When the children are playing their games, they don't need anything from us, and we can surf the internet or talk on the phone uninterrupted. Or, even more nobly, we can get the school done with the older ones while the little one plays the Wii (I won't mention any names of who used to do this, but I will tell you the behavioral issues of a certain 3yo cleared up when the video games were restricted to the 1/2-hour per day rule, M-F, none on weekends). Consider making one or two days a week educational video games--such as a foreign-language game, math or reading/spelling games, typing, music, logic, problem solving, etc.
Build appetites for good food. Build appetites for hard work, a job well done, peace, order, kindness, giving, serving.
I have always taught my children that orderliness is peace. I teach them that it is impossible to organize or give order to too much stuff--so they learn at an early age to not have too much, and then learn to have an exact place for everything--and I have built their appetite for the satisfaction that comes from easily putting/keeping everything in its place. My two older children have a very solid appetite now for simplicity and order. When they visit other homes that are crammed full of stuff, messy, disorganized, wasteful--they hate it. It is not peace. All my children love the peace of sitting down to focus on studies or a project in a clean, orderly, peaceful environment--free of clutter, chaos, and excess. They have far more than they need (and they understand that), but they have what they can manage and organize and care for as a good steward. Their drawers, closets, shelves are always in perfect order with very little effort. They are taught to keep an eye out for outgrown or worn-out clothes and get rid of them, books that will never be read again, useless acquisitions (i.e. happy meal toys, yard sale finds, excessive, useless gifts from well-meaning relatives and friends, etc.)
Build appetites for healthy activities that prepare them to use their brain and their gifts for the Lord--reading, studying, drawing, painting, building, creating, praying, meditating, problem-solving.
Make a list of God-pleasing activities that do not destroy the brain with worldly ideas and thoughts: Biking, swimming, hiking, playdough, cooking, sewing, gardening, knitting, writing. Like your toddler will toss a carrot aside for a candy bar, so will your children toss aside good activities for TV watching or other foolishness. The way of the fool is easy, fun, and tempting. It takes one meal to give my children an appetite for junk food. It takes several weeks to build their appetite for healthy food. It is the same way with activities.
Do not give your children superheroes--at least until you are sure their one and only hero is God. Do not make their bedrooms little temples of idol worship with superhero (or any image) comforter sets, curtains, rugs, wallpaper borders, and stuffed animals. And if you do let them have some of these things, make sure they at least always have more of God. Give your children the awesome God. Not the Sunday School, Bible story God, but the God that can be trusted to love always, rescue, provide, and obliterate the enemy. The God who made everything, controls everything, and the God who hates foolishness. The God who has more power than any superhero could ever be depicted as having.
Do not let your children "collect." Do not let them look through catalogs or sale papers or watch commercials (don't do it yourself, either--that goes for home improvement and decorating shows, too). This feeds the flesh, and builds an appetite of mindless greed for earthly treasures that moth and dust will corrupt. If you NEED something, you do not need to see it in a catalog first to know you need it. You will need it regardless of whether or not it is on sale.
Avoid toys where you will be tempted for them to continue to add to their collection or set. Stick with the simple toys that promote God-given abilities to create, think, cooperate, give. Blocks, marbles, crayons and paper, playdough, real baby dolls so girls can imitate your godly mothering (not Barbie dolls--no girl needs to dress naked adult dolls and try to figure out subsequent role play), good books, good games, puzzles, bikes, kites, musical instruments, tools, flower seeds, paints... Turn off that TV and those Video Games and offer these things in their place. Legos are great--but in a great jumbled mess for creative building. Not collected in "sets." My boys are Lego fanatics, but the oldest (18) has learned to enjoy putting a set together once, playing with it for a week or so, then dismantling it into the big bin to avoid the collectible mentality. That is how he is teaching his younger brothers, too.
Help them build an appetite for their family--to play with each other. Help them practice loving each other and build an appetite for making each other happy. We are happiest when we forget ourselves and our selfishness and serve others. That is the truth. That is the nature of Jesus Christ! Children learn this in their families. Teach them to serve their siblings and to have an appetite for making their siblings happy. My children will tell you that their instructions regarding their siblings are that they should never walk into a room or situation and have the sibling(s) they joined become more upset. Their goal should be to add happiness and joy. Their job is to make their siblings happier, to make them safer, to meet their needs, and to help. If we carelessly allow them to shove, or even knock into a younger sibling in their hurry to go do their own thing, then we have allowed them to build an appetite for their own pleasures without regard to others. Don't let this slip through the cracks! There is nothing more ugly than older siblings who bully, push out of the way, or selfishly disregard the needs of their younger siblings. Why? Because we hate that very selfishness in adults, and we hate it in adults, because we hate it in ourselves.
Okay... we get the idea now, don't we?.
11. Words
Build an appetite for quietness instead of noise. For carefully chosen words. Do not allow them to build an appetite for talking too much. That is foolish. Show them the beauty and wisdom in quietness, stillness, gentle words, fewer words, well-chosen words. They will grow to have an aversion to mindless chatter, meaningless music, TV, and any other constant noise and/or running of the mouth. Teach them to think twice and speak once. Teach them to choose their music and the moment to listen to it in the Spirit of Truth. Teach them to evaluate and choose their words based on whether the words are kind, helpful, necessary, edifying, patient, truthful, respectful, gracious, humble. Teach them the simple truth that they can choose to keep their mouth shut in any situation, and if God wants them to speak, then they will find themselves speaking. God said He could make the rocks cry out. God made a donkey speak. God can be trusted to rule our speech when we are not sure!
Let them know how God HATES lying, and encourage them to be conscious of always speaking true words, even in jest. To be on guard against exaggerations and white lies. The person sensitive to Christ will not allow a single untruth--regardless of the context or setting.
Set the example in your own speech and words. The children are listening to every word (unless, of course, you are talking directly to them! :-)) There is nothing more annoying or distressful than hearing your own children mirror your ugliest speech. There is nothing more convicting. When my first two children reached the teen years, I was so surprised to hear them jump into discussions I was having with my husband--discussions where we were talking about the rights and wrongs of this and that, criticisms and complaints and judgments of people. I thought we were being fair, non-judgmental, and objective, until my children chimed in and their words were so ugly!
I enjoy my children's honest words, because they reveal their heart (out of the mouth come the issues of the heart!). I encourage them to share their thoughts, but at the same time, you know children can sometimes just be noisy silly. Mealtimes bring out the worst in my children for plain goofiness. And yes, while there is a time and a place for everything, even enjoying some silliness, I have made it a practice to appoint certain "quiet practice" times. Meal times: I remind them, using many verses of Proverbs, that not talking is ALWAYS wiser, and we practice silence during meal times (at least for five times minutes). School time: they may not talk unless with permission. Why? The foolish man does not listen to instruction. And you can't listen if you are making noise. You also can't do your best work or thinking, and God is pleased with our diligence (this I tell them). I'm not trying to be a crazy dictator.. I'm just implementing wisdom practice and awareness.
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Plus one more:
12. Encourage Purity of Mind
The Bible commands us to think on things that are true, honest, just, pure, and lovely. For a reason. The thoughts and images fed into your brain are recorded and have an impact. Children do not need to see scenes on TV of violence, adult content--even simple kissing scenes--things glorifying dishonesty, and depictions of the ugliest and saddest parts of fallen humanity. They don't need to hear romantic or other types of song lyrics. Paul says, "I would have you wise as to good, and simple towards evil." You don't have to even know about the evil. Knowing the wise is all you need.
Teach your children to be wary. To make a covenant with their eyes and avert them when they must--because although you can control the input in your own home, all you have to do is venture two feet outside your home to be exposed to anything and everything. Grocery stores, billboards, magazine covers, music and lyrics, other people's words and actions in public, products for sale, signs for adult of businesses, all sorts of trash in reading, the indiscreet or foolish posts on facebook, the accidental web content... Your little children, shut off the TV or cover their eyes and explain there are certain things we shouldn't look at or watch. Your older children, teach them the importance of keeping purity of mind by refusing to allow the wrong images to be burned into their brain. If my children are watching TV anywhere, and even the simplest kiss is depicted, you will see them avert their eyes. They understand that the image is danger--danger of being recalled, thought upon, and turning into distracting daydreams, lusts or temptations. The same is true for traumatizing images--and different things traumatize girls vs. boys. Boys are called to do things such as hunt, or go to war, or protect the innocent. Girls, however, don't need to think on such things.
Critics of my old blog often accused me of "brainwashing" my children. Not the case. I do my best not to let their brains get dirty in the first place.
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Well, as is true to form for me, this post has been endless. So enough for now. God bless you as you strive to obey Him and to teach your children to know and love Him and have faith--saving Faith.
--Camilla
CHILD TRAINING EXHORTATIONS
For the homeschooling mother, the start of a new homeschool year is more of the time to make fresh starts and new resolutions than New Year's Eve.
In the past, I have written many, many posts on child training. I could have reposted any of them, but I would like to record my thoughts today (9/2012) as I am pondering getting our new school year off on the right foot. Here are some of my important child training reminders, in no particular order, to help us start things off right. Maybe you will find an idea that will help, encourage, and inspire you! I need reminders of all these that came to my mind! I will keep striving to glorify the Lord in teaching the children He has given to me!
1. Listen
For your infants, be in tune to their cries and stop to think about what they may be telling you they need. Sometimes they are hungry or tired before their scheduled time, sometimes a tooth decided to make a big push, sometimes they are bored (and need something new and interesting) or lonely (and need some interaction--have the older sibling take turns!). Listen to their giggles and smiles, and respond with your own. Listen to their "words," and repeat back what they say. They will be delighted to be "talking" to you! Listen to their heartbeat, and praise God for His miracles. Listen to their sweet breathing, and pray for blessing upon them.
For your littles, get down to their level when they are talking to you, and look them in the eyes. Answer their questions. If they are telling you something, ask your own questions to show you are interested and listening. You will be amazed at how much you can learn about their personalities, their heart's desires, their interests, the way they think, their troubles, and their confusions! Often they will come to you with problems--especially problems with their siblings. Listen to how they were hurt or frustrated. Sympathize, and empathize. Then you will see how much more easily they will listen to you when you encourage them how to fix the problems! When your 7yo thinks he is being funny, take delight on his behalf and laugh at his humor even if you can't laugh at his joke! If he think he's discovered something new and interesting, take delight in his enthusiasm, and match his enthusiasm with your own enthusiasm for the person that he is! His new idea that he could pick up all the Legos one at a time with a pair of tweezers deserves enthusiasm or at least an interested comment or question! "That might take you until bedtime! Would you like me to plan on serving your dinner here?" How delightful to hear his laugh when he realizes you listened took joy in his creative idea! How disappointing if you would have said, "Just get them picked up NOW!"
For the middles to olders, they want you to start listening as more of an equal. Their thoughts feel very grown up at times, and need you to consider their thoughts as such when you listen and respond. They need you to take them seriously. Ask lots of questions. Appeal to their heart and their conscience when you give counsel, and let them make the decision for wisdom in their own minds (they can choose rightly if you present the options). Pay attention to when they are in the mood to talk and JUMP on the opportunity. You will know--because they will start talking about nothing or nonsense, or stalk you for no reason, or pester in one little way or another. That may be their way of telling you they need to figure something out--and they may not know what. Use your words to search them out and help them find their way. When you are listening, remember yourself at that age and have empathy and compassion for their thoughts and struggles, not condemnation or impatience.
2. Love
Sometimes we find ourselves in those moments with our children. You know... THOSE moments. Where there is ultimate frustration on both sides. There is something that will always work in those moments. Love.
Because love never fails. When all our other understanding or best child training efforts fail, remember that love never fails.
Despair. End-of-the-rope. "I don't have the heart to correct this child one more time." Tired. Crabby. Misunderstood. Defiant. Crazy. Willful. Stubborn. "I don't know what to do!" "I never should have become a mother!" "Is my child going to grow up to be a psycho?" "Go to your room." "I don't even want to talk to you right now." "I don't know what to do with you!"
Well, now you know. Go to them. Without words. And pour the love of Jesus Christ upon them. Open your arms, and let them be the arms of Jesus loving them, right in the middle of all the mess.
I remember the day I learned this. My oldest was 9. I had flipped out on him for something--something in my eyes that was a serious and repetitive disobedience over something simple, and sent him to his room until I calmed down enough to deal with him. I went into the kitchen to pray about how to correct him, how to teach him. And the Holy Spirit very clearly impressed upon me, "Love him." I made him a grilled cheese sandwich and some hot chocolate. I took it to his room--where he was waiting to "get in trouble." I walked in, said, "Here, I made you a snack." Then I hugged him, and told him I loved him, and that I was sorry for losing my temper. I asked him to forgive me for hurting him. I assured him I would pray about becoming a wiser parent. I told him how pleased I was with him, and told him again I loved him.
He just started crying.
Love definitely never fails.
Even if the child you are trying to love does not seem to be in the mood to be loved, the words of Scripture still hold true. Offer it anyway. It will not fail. It will accomplish It's purpose.
3. Erase
Love keeps no record of wrongs. Your children need you to forgive them and offer them a clean slate continually--just like Jesus offers to you every moment of every day, should you accept it. Your children do not need the burden of their past wrongs. Correct them, then forgive them, then forget. Repeat. When they stand before you, mentally wipe their slate clean, and accept them in the moment for who they are. By doing this, you are showing them Jesus, and the work He did for them. This is one way your children can grow to truly know Jesus and all He has done for them.
It is so wearying to train a child with their whole list of past offenses piled up in your brain. It is too much of a mess to try to shepherd that! There are enough troubles for today! There is enough grace for today.
4. Set the Example
Don't just set the example. Be TWICE what you want your children to become. If you want them to be wise in the time they spend watching movies or TV, then you watch NONE. If you want them to be wise with their internet time, then make yours next to nothing. You want them to eat wisely? Have patience? Be forgiving? Prioritize wisely? Study God's Word? Pray? Work diligently? Organize? Spend money wisely?
Practice what you teach. Completely. Thoroughly.
And when you don't? Confess. Ask forgiveness. Let them see your example of continual repentance and seeking hard after God's best.
Also, teach your elder children to always be conscious of the example they set for their younger siblings. Make sure they feel the weight of that responsibility! Your child training will be so much easier when the elder children set the example. I have not had to teach my 7yo how to keep his dresser drawers organized--because of his older brother's example. Each subsequent child I have homeschooled has been that much easier, regardless of learning style or love of academics, because of the trickle-down effect of the example set doing schoolwork. Same for chores, quietness, patience, manners, giving, yielding, helpfulness, self-control, obedience, and faith.
5. Be Consistent
Especially with the infants and toddlers. Your 8-month-old will test you on this! He will go after the electrical outlet repeatedly. And if he gets away with it even once because you did not want to get up from the couch or leave your computer or your phone call or your cooking or your cleaning--then you will have lost all ground in your training.
Be consistent in the little things: sitting nicely at the table, pestering, whining, table manners, picking up toys, breaking things, throwing rocks, arguing with siblings, boundaries (as in what and what not to touch), putting things in the right place, not interrupting, quickly obeying or stopping at the word "No" or "Stop" (for safety's sake), etc. If these things aren't important enough for you to stop what you're doing to correct EVERY TIME, then why would they ever think they are important? It makes you double-minded in your example, and teaches nothing.
6. Appeal to their Knowledge of Good vs. Evil
Thanks to Adam and Eve eating from the Tree of Life, we are all born with this knowledge: the inner sense of right vs. wrong, wise vs. foolish, good vs. evil. Even two year olds can understand wise behavior versus foolish behavior. As you are teaching and correcting, explain why something is wise and why something is foolish. My 7yo thinks is is ridiculous to even ask him anymore. He learned long ago that when analyzing wise vs. foolish actions, foolish behavior leads to trouble, injury, suffering, and death. Boys eat this up. Get your children in the habit of choosing wise, good, and right, and eschewing wrong, bad, and foolish.
7. Prioritize
Next to loving God and submitting to/being a helpmeet to your husband, your children are your next priority. Do they know that? Or do they see other things crowding them out--your internet time, your phone time, your projects. Put your children where they belong. Hang up that phone if your child needs something--it does NOT have to be an emergency. What message does that send? That your child only ranks slightly lower than a catastrophic emergency? Shut off the computer. Put away your project to do one of theirs. I stopped writing this blog post many times to instantly attend to my children in various ways: cuddle and rock the teething baby, play with the baby, listen to and respond to the other children with my undivided attention, etc. They need to know how important they are to me, because I represent how important they are to Jesus.
8. Practice Patience
Impatience is a symptom of selfishness. It reveals that your agenda was interrupted or disturbed by someone else's actions. It is glorious for all involved if you take the things you want (your quiet time, your computer time, your anything...) and burn it up as a sacrifice to the Lord. Poof! Gone. When you have no selfish desires, and can put others first (as Jesus commands us to do), patience will prevail, and so many child training issues will be instantly resolved. Practice, practice, practice!
I caught myself today telling my 3yo to hurry, hurry, hurry. He had just used the bathroom and, as always, needed help cleaning himself and getting his underwear and pants back on. I said, "Come on! Mommy likes you to HURRY with this!" Then I realized what I was doing. I like him to hurry because it interrupts what I am doing--like typing this post. I stopped and looked at things from his perspective. I never want him to rush when he is going to the bathroom--I tell him so all the time. What a mixed message when I tell him to hurry! Also, 3yo boys are fascinated by the whole process, right down to watching carefully the flushing process. I also noticed that my 3yo likes my loving attention as I carefully help him back into his clothes. We usually do a little poem (one, two, buckle my shoe...), and we say some mushy things and I give him hugs and kisses. Why would I rush this time? Because I am SELFISH! I stopped my impatience immediately. I told him I was sorry for wanting him to hurry. I sacrificed my blog writing for the moment (took the desire to sit and type and mentally burned it up on an altar and watched it go up in smoke), and took my time enjoying my few moments with my 3yo, which ended with him giving me a sweet hug and kiss and telling me in his adorable voice, "I'm your best friend."
9. Faith
Always be building your children's faith in God, who is ALWAYS good, ALWAYS right, and ALWAYS has everything under control and working as part of His perfect plan. They must be exhorted at all times that God is good and that He can be trusted: rainstorms, illness, frustrating situations, injuries, hot weather, cold weather, hurts, sadness, death, bee stings... your children must continually be taught that although God may not cause these things, nothing happens that He does not allow. They must be taught that our feelings of sadness or hurt over something does not mean it is a bad thing--it means God has allowed something for our good, as always, and we just can't see or feel the good yet. If your children are not taught this, you rob them of faith, and that is a most serious and dangerous thing indeed. For without faith, it is impossible to please God. People who don't have a strong underlying faith that God is good and all powerful will stumble, and then create something they can believe in--usually a prepackaged form of God/the Gospel/Doctrine that explains things to their understanding. Faith in pretty Statements of Faith is not faith. Faith is believing in things unseen, mysteries--trusting God with all we do not understand. Your child must be taught that they do NOT need to understand. They must trust.
If you can't trust God with everything, then you've got nothing. If God is not good and only good, then you've got nothing. If God is not perfectly right about everything, then you've got NOTHING. No hope. No help. No counsel. No nothing.
There is God, and there is nothing else.
10. Appetite
Train your children's appetites by limiting their intake of worldly things and offering them "good" food.
Entertainment is full of subtle trouble. Even "The Little Mermaid" sends a dangerous message: Rebel against your father because you don't agree with him, and you will get your own way in the end and live happily ever after. Watching TV builds an appetite for laziness--in thought and deed, not to mention the attitudes and examples served up, cleverly disguised as family-friendly and/or educational programming. If you allow TV or movies, you need to be aware of everything they watch, and take the responsibility to help your children sort out the messages between wise things versus foolish things, good vs. evil, and right vs. wrong. You will be teaching them to measure everything against the Word, and to take their thoughts captive to Christ.
Limit TV and video game time. Seriously. Perhaps 1/2 hour of video games per day (and games that would not offend Christ, at that). Children who play too much, even simple racing games, Super Mario, or Pac Man, will have behavior problems due to stress and over excitement. It is not normal for any child to be faced with dying 300 times per day, like what happens in a video game. Children's brains are not meant for that type of stress, yet parents all over the world are serving it up in giant proportions. Why? Let's be honest. When the children are playing their games, they don't need anything from us, and we can surf the internet or talk on the phone uninterrupted. Or, even more nobly, we can get the school done with the older ones while the little one plays the Wii (I won't mention any names of who used to do this, but I will tell you the behavioral issues of a certain 3yo cleared up when the video games were restricted to the 1/2-hour per day rule, M-F, none on weekends). Consider making one or two days a week educational video games--such as a foreign-language game, math or reading/spelling games, typing, music, logic, problem solving, etc.
Build appetites for good food. Build appetites for hard work, a job well done, peace, order, kindness, giving, serving.
I have always taught my children that orderliness is peace. I teach them that it is impossible to organize or give order to too much stuff--so they learn at an early age to not have too much, and then learn to have an exact place for everything--and I have built their appetite for the satisfaction that comes from easily putting/keeping everything in its place. My two older children have a very solid appetite now for simplicity and order. When they visit other homes that are crammed full of stuff, messy, disorganized, wasteful--they hate it. It is not peace. All my children love the peace of sitting down to focus on studies or a project in a clean, orderly, peaceful environment--free of clutter, chaos, and excess. They have far more than they need (and they understand that), but they have what they can manage and organize and care for as a good steward. Their drawers, closets, shelves are always in perfect order with very little effort. They are taught to keep an eye out for outgrown or worn-out clothes and get rid of them, books that will never be read again, useless acquisitions (i.e. happy meal toys, yard sale finds, excessive, useless gifts from well-meaning relatives and friends, etc.)
Build appetites for healthy activities that prepare them to use their brain and their gifts for the Lord--reading, studying, drawing, painting, building, creating, praying, meditating, problem-solving.
Make a list of God-pleasing activities that do not destroy the brain with worldly ideas and thoughts: Biking, swimming, hiking, playdough, cooking, sewing, gardening, knitting, writing. Like your toddler will toss a carrot aside for a candy bar, so will your children toss aside good activities for TV watching or other foolishness. The way of the fool is easy, fun, and tempting. It takes one meal to give my children an appetite for junk food. It takes several weeks to build their appetite for healthy food. It is the same way with activities.
Do not give your children superheroes--at least until you are sure their one and only hero is God. Do not make their bedrooms little temples of idol worship with superhero (or any image) comforter sets, curtains, rugs, wallpaper borders, and stuffed animals. And if you do let them have some of these things, make sure they at least always have more of God. Give your children the awesome God. Not the Sunday School, Bible story God, but the God that can be trusted to love always, rescue, provide, and obliterate the enemy. The God who made everything, controls everything, and the God who hates foolishness. The God who has more power than any superhero could ever be depicted as having.
Do not let your children "collect." Do not let them look through catalogs or sale papers or watch commercials (don't do it yourself, either--that goes for home improvement and decorating shows, too). This feeds the flesh, and builds an appetite of mindless greed for earthly treasures that moth and dust will corrupt. If you NEED something, you do not need to see it in a catalog first to know you need it. You will need it regardless of whether or not it is on sale.
Avoid toys where you will be tempted for them to continue to add to their collection or set. Stick with the simple toys that promote God-given abilities to create, think, cooperate, give. Blocks, marbles, crayons and paper, playdough, real baby dolls so girls can imitate your godly mothering (not Barbie dolls--no girl needs to dress naked adult dolls and try to figure out subsequent role play), good books, good games, puzzles, bikes, kites, musical instruments, tools, flower seeds, paints... Turn off that TV and those Video Games and offer these things in their place. Legos are great--but in a great jumbled mess for creative building. Not collected in "sets." My boys are Lego fanatics, but the oldest (18) has learned to enjoy putting a set together once, playing with it for a week or so, then dismantling it into the big bin to avoid the collectible mentality. That is how he is teaching his younger brothers, too.
Help them build an appetite for their family--to play with each other. Help them practice loving each other and build an appetite for making each other happy. We are happiest when we forget ourselves and our selfishness and serve others. That is the truth. That is the nature of Jesus Christ! Children learn this in their families. Teach them to serve their siblings and to have an appetite for making their siblings happy. My children will tell you that their instructions regarding their siblings are that they should never walk into a room or situation and have the sibling(s) they joined become more upset. Their goal should be to add happiness and joy. Their job is to make their siblings happier, to make them safer, to meet their needs, and to help. If we carelessly allow them to shove, or even knock into a younger sibling in their hurry to go do their own thing, then we have allowed them to build an appetite for their own pleasures without regard to others. Don't let this slip through the cracks! There is nothing more ugly than older siblings who bully, push out of the way, or selfishly disregard the needs of their younger siblings. Why? Because we hate that very selfishness in adults, and we hate it in adults, because we hate it in ourselves.
Okay... we get the idea now, don't we?.
11. Words
Build an appetite for quietness instead of noise. For carefully chosen words. Do not allow them to build an appetite for talking too much. That is foolish. Show them the beauty and wisdom in quietness, stillness, gentle words, fewer words, well-chosen words. They will grow to have an aversion to mindless chatter, meaningless music, TV, and any other constant noise and/or running of the mouth. Teach them to think twice and speak once. Teach them to choose their music and the moment to listen to it in the Spirit of Truth. Teach them to evaluate and choose their words based on whether the words are kind, helpful, necessary, edifying, patient, truthful, respectful, gracious, humble. Teach them the simple truth that they can choose to keep their mouth shut in any situation, and if God wants them to speak, then they will find themselves speaking. God said He could make the rocks cry out. God made a donkey speak. God can be trusted to rule our speech when we are not sure!
Let them know how God HATES lying, and encourage them to be conscious of always speaking true words, even in jest. To be on guard against exaggerations and white lies. The person sensitive to Christ will not allow a single untruth--regardless of the context or setting.
Set the example in your own speech and words. The children are listening to every word (unless, of course, you are talking directly to them! :-)) There is nothing more annoying or distressful than hearing your own children mirror your ugliest speech. There is nothing more convicting. When my first two children reached the teen years, I was so surprised to hear them jump into discussions I was having with my husband--discussions where we were talking about the rights and wrongs of this and that, criticisms and complaints and judgments of people. I thought we were being fair, non-judgmental, and objective, until my children chimed in and their words were so ugly!
I enjoy my children's honest words, because they reveal their heart (out of the mouth come the issues of the heart!). I encourage them to share their thoughts, but at the same time, you know children can sometimes just be noisy silly. Mealtimes bring out the worst in my children for plain goofiness. And yes, while there is a time and a place for everything, even enjoying some silliness, I have made it a practice to appoint certain "quiet practice" times. Meal times: I remind them, using many verses of Proverbs, that not talking is ALWAYS wiser, and we practice silence during meal times (at least for five times minutes). School time: they may not talk unless with permission. Why? The foolish man does not listen to instruction. And you can't listen if you are making noise. You also can't do your best work or thinking, and God is pleased with our diligence (this I tell them). I'm not trying to be a crazy dictator.. I'm just implementing wisdom practice and awareness.
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Plus one more:
12. Encourage Purity of Mind
The Bible commands us to think on things that are true, honest, just, pure, and lovely. For a reason. The thoughts and images fed into your brain are recorded and have an impact. Children do not need to see scenes on TV of violence, adult content--even simple kissing scenes--things glorifying dishonesty, and depictions of the ugliest and saddest parts of fallen humanity. They don't need to hear romantic or other types of song lyrics. Paul says, "I would have you wise as to good, and simple towards evil." You don't have to even know about the evil. Knowing the wise is all you need.
Teach your children to be wary. To make a covenant with their eyes and avert them when they must--because although you can control the input in your own home, all you have to do is venture two feet outside your home to be exposed to anything and everything. Grocery stores, billboards, magazine covers, music and lyrics, other people's words and actions in public, products for sale, signs for adult of businesses, all sorts of trash in reading, the indiscreet or foolish posts on facebook, the accidental web content... Your little children, shut off the TV or cover their eyes and explain there are certain things we shouldn't look at or watch. Your older children, teach them the importance of keeping purity of mind by refusing to allow the wrong images to be burned into their brain. If my children are watching TV anywhere, and even the simplest kiss is depicted, you will see them avert their eyes. They understand that the image is danger--danger of being recalled, thought upon, and turning into distracting daydreams, lusts or temptations. The same is true for traumatizing images--and different things traumatize girls vs. boys. Boys are called to do things such as hunt, or go to war, or protect the innocent. Girls, however, don't need to think on such things.
Critics of my old blog often accused me of "brainwashing" my children. Not the case. I do my best not to let their brains get dirty in the first place.
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Well, as is true to form for me, this post has been endless. So enough for now. God bless you as you strive to obey Him and to teach your children to know and love Him and have faith--saving Faith.
--Camilla
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
And more grace....
Grace in the form of lovely blogger Sarah whose posts have been reminding me to be grateful, live in the moment, and recognize what is beautiful that God has made around me (namely, these beautiful children)...
Her exhortation helped me remember this beautiful form of grace today. This is the bedroom of my 19-year-old son:
This is how you will find it at ANY given moment. I have never had to tell him to clean it. That is grace. That is beautiful. I am so thankful for this boy.
I should have seen it coming when he was a baby. When he was one, he used to walk into my bedroom and proclaim "Mess!" in a very disapproving tone.
He has owned millions of LEGOS in his time.
I have never stepped on one.
Grace. And a beautiful thing... you know it, those of you who have stepped on Legos unknowingly, and thought you stepped on a hornet's nest or broken glass! (I stepped on my brothers' when we were growing up!)
The poster over his bed reads, "Trust in the Lord."
Grace. This boy loves God. Oh, what joy that is to me.
He keeps a 3-pound bag of M&Ms stashed behind the hanging files in his desk drawer.
Oh.... that is grace. He lets us nip some... that's why he buys the big bag. 5 younger siblings (to whom he "accidentally" revealed the hiding place of his candy), and a mama who finds grace in a bite of chocolate about once every other day...
or more.
Funny... if he had been a girl, his name would have been "Grace."
But what would my kids be without their big brother?
Oh, God has given me grace in this boy. It is beautiful. And I have all the grace I need for today, now.
My cup runneth over. Not even counting that my husband landed a great job interview today!
Thank you, God.
Her exhortation helped me remember this beautiful form of grace today. This is the bedroom of my 19-year-old son:
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| Notice how everything on his desk is centered and aligned... except for that crooked hand-drawing of a fox that his 5yo brother put in there as a surprise for him... he so lovingly left it.. crooked and crumpled, taped up off-center! |
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I should have seen it coming when he was a baby. When he was one, he used to walk into my bedroom and proclaim "Mess!" in a very disapproving tone.
He has owned millions of LEGOS in his time.
I have never stepped on one.
Grace. And a beautiful thing... you know it, those of you who have stepped on Legos unknowingly, and thought you stepped on a hornet's nest or broken glass! (I stepped on my brothers' when we were growing up!)
The poster over his bed reads, "Trust in the Lord."
Grace. This boy loves God. Oh, what joy that is to me.
He keeps a 3-pound bag of M&Ms stashed behind the hanging files in his desk drawer.
Oh.... that is grace. He lets us nip some... that's why he buys the big bag. 5 younger siblings (to whom he "accidentally" revealed the hiding place of his candy), and a mama who finds grace in a bite of chocolate about once every other day...
or more.
Funny... if he had been a girl, his name would have been "Grace."
But what would my kids be without their big brother?
Oh, God has given me grace in this boy. It is beautiful. And I have all the grace I need for today, now.
My cup runneth over. Not even counting that my husband landed a great job interview today!
Thank you, God.
A Lunch Lesson
"Colorful food is healthy food."
No, let me correct that....
"NATURALLY colorful food is healthy food."
Not M&Ms or gummy bears.
So this was the most colorful, healthy lunch we could put together.
I gave them a little bowl of ranch dip for their veggies.
They ate every. bite. My littles--ages 4, 5, and 8 (and me!).
And were rewarded with a leftover wholegrain pancake spread with Nutella! (not me! Nutella--blech!)
No, let me correct that....
"NATURALLY colorful food is healthy food."
Not M&Ms or gummy bears.
So this was the most colorful, healthy lunch we could put together.
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| Raspberries, apples, carrots, tomatoes, pineapple bananas, pears, spinach, blueberries, purple cabbage, cauliflower. |
They ate every. bite. My littles--ages 4, 5, and 8 (and me!).
And were rewarded with a leftover wholegrain pancake spread with Nutella! (not me! Nutella--blech!)
God Giveth More Grace
Last night, I was overwhelmed, and crying. And asked God for help. And He reminded me He sees tears, and they move Him. And when we are crying, we are like little children, and we are humble. And when we are humble, God gives grace.
I woke up to this bit of grace today:
Joy comes in the morning!
I woke up to this bit of grace today:
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| Thank God for this boy, my Aram (8). He is such a natural leader, protector, teacher, and caretaker of his three little brothers, but most especially with the littlest. What grace! :-) | M |
More Drawings from our Study of Samson
Oh, these have just made my WEEK!
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| By Aram (8): What carnage in this scene! Pieces of pillars, body parts, falling people, dust.... Do you realize more people died when Samson destroyed the Philistine Palace than when the World Trade Center collapsed? |
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| By Aram: That famous hair cut! Notice the evil grin on Delilah's face! |
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| By Elon (5): I printed this coloring page off the internet, but then he added more pieces of pillar and just love the poor falling lady in the upper right! |
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| By Elon (5): His version of Samson carrying the gates of Gaza. |
Thank you, Lord for your grace and peace in our home, and for the smiles you have given through our study of your Word!
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