I've learned, for one thing, that submission looks DIFFERENT for different people--with regards to submission of people to other people. God places us all in different situations with different types of authorities that all expect different types of things. I know for sure that the specific authorities God places in our lives, if we truly learn to submit, then we will grow just like He wants us to grow! He will answer our prayers to be like Him! But we often don't see this--because it can be just so darn uncomfortable, or even worse, too comfortable!
Now, submission to God, on the other hand, is the same for everyone. One day, EVERY knee shall bow. I'm going to get my knees in shape now. I've been praying to do that--and God is showing me just how far I am from complete submission to Him, as well as to those He has chosen for me to submit to here on earth.
To a degree, we are supposed to be meek and submissive to everyone--there's a spirit of non-judgment and forgiveness in that manner, that is the testimony and person of Christ.
And us wives... well, you know.
Oh, I can't believe how hard it has been for me to learn what even a glimpse of submission looks like! Over 12 years of following Christ, and praying to "die to self" and submit wholly to Christ, and submit to my husband as unto the Lord, with a meek and quiet spirit--where has that gotten me?! The trials and tests and teachings God has had to send my way---all to get me to the point today, 12 years later, where I can barely begin to see what it is really all about.
But I do see that I have really been messing it up. I have been "submitting" with all my heart and soul--so I thought. Now I see that I wasn't. I more or less was "deferring" instead. Setting aside me and letting others have place. But not giving up me. No, no. Saving my wishes, thoughts, desires, and plans in my own private place--for later. My collection of me stuff. I didn't give up a thing.
Submission is not deference. Deference is the simple act of setting aside your own thoughts, preferences, and plans and letting others have their way (and then giving yourself a pat on the back for being so polite). Submission is not giving way or stepping aside. Submission means obliterating (OBLITERATING)
your own thoughts, preferences and plans so that only the thoughts, preferences and plans of your master exist. Submission is the slave-master relationship. The slave has no rights, and wouldn't dare have any wishes except the wishes of his master. Yes, folks. That IS how it is going to be when every knee shall bow--when we finally meet Him and live with Him eternally as our perfect King. Submitting means getting rid of completely your own agenda, thoughts, plans, ideas and taking on those of the person to whom you are submitting. Could you imagine being in the presence of God and even daring to give Him a suggestion or to assert your own will or preference over His? (That's what Lucifer did... the spirit of rebellion!) Submission is the obliterating self--completely giving up. Not filing away for later, or setting aside (to be used as a comparison point or point of reference), or even turning your back on. It means disowning completely. Deleting. Gone. Sacrificed.
When we get to heaven, and fall down on our faces as though dead before God, we will finally get what this means.
Can it be done here?
All these years I have been trying to submit to my husband, I have gotten pretty good at agreeing, obeying, conceding, dropping my ideas instantly in favor of his. But I have never done it right. I didn't give up myself. I just kept myself out of his way. I protected me, and filed away my thoughts, my point of view--saved it all up in a little treasure of "me-ness". And called that submission.
And here I am, the same person I have always been--just less of it "showing" because I've been putting it all away.
So the question is now, what does submission look like for me at this point?
I need to quit hanging on to my point of view and my side of the story. I need to quit saving "Cam," all safely filed away in this little corner or that. I need to give it up. Although I can hide it all away quite nicely under the mask of meekness and submission, when it is still all tucked away in me somewhere, it is a reference point, a comparison point, a continual judgment of how I am being treated compared to who I am and what I want.
Whosoever shall save his life shall lose it,
but whosoever, for Jesus' sake, shall lose their life, shall save it.
I really want to learn how to really be dead to self--obliterate "me" and be truly submissive. I want that selfish, cluttered heart cleaned out. I want every last living shred of Cam flesh to be cut away. Haha. Good luck, I couldn't help but just tell myself that. It just came out. HOW DO I LEARN THIS? (That was a prayer to God).
I guess we'll have to see what He will do! I know God gives us back our heart's desires, and gives His gifts, and uses people as He will. He knows I long to serve Him. He knows my heart's desires. Do I dare to submit it all? Yes. Even if He gives NOTHING back--leaving me to be nothing, and Him everything.
As always, prayers for blessing for you all!