Thursday, January 16, 2014

A Rant Deflected (I will sing a new song!)

I was tempted more than once today to post a rant--a pregnancy rant.  Pregnancy is my number one pet peeve, and I have long lists of things I hate about it, both personal and general. And I'm just about hitting that point, here, at 6 months along, where every minute feels like an eternity.  Because three months is still an eternal amount of time to endure (this is the seventh time I've lived through eternal hell).

Yes. I've heard some women actually enjoy being pregnant.  I want to know what they're on.

Now... don't get me wrong. The time I spend with  my children all day long is what I think is a true foretaste of eternal bliss, true heaven.  Even today, I'm still glowing over the moments of pure joy I had delighting in my children. The second this new babe is placed in my arms, all shall be well. And  perfect. And heavenly. And  blessed. I can't wait. I can't believe God is giving me another beautiful, precious gift!

But, my rant was deflected.  My beautiful childhood friend posted a picture of herself on Facebook--a picture of herself taken not too long ago in the midst of her battle against breast cancer, with a husband to love and two young girls still to raise. Bald, with her face swollen from the medications, she wrote as the caption, "Sometimes I look back to remind myself of the astounding and plentiful blessings I have to be thankful for." 

How could I have this complaining heart? I should be nothing but grateful to be in the midst of a healthy pregnancy! What a blessing, considering this time last year I was still battling for my life, recovering from illness that I should not have survived (doctors don't know how I did).

So instead of my planned rant, I will sing of the goodness of the Lord. I read/prayed this today. It was today's evening prayer of The Divine Office, but I wept as my heart felt the words of it, for I remember how my heart cried these things last year, when I didn't want to say goodbye to my husband or my children, and I begged for Him to rescue me from death:

Psalm 30

I will praise you, Lord, you have rescued me
and have not let my enemies rejoice over me.
O Lord, I cried to you for help
and you, my God, have healed me.
O Lord, you have raised my soul from the dead,
restored me to life from those who sink into the grave.
Sing psalms to the Lord, you who love him,
give thanks to his holy name.
His anger lasts but a moment;
his favor through life.
At night there are tears,
but joy comes with dawn.
I said to myself in my good fortune:
“Nothing will ever disturb me.”
Your favor had set me on a mountain fastness,
then you hid your face
and I was put to confusion.
To you, Lord, I cried,
to my God I made appeal:
“What profit would my death be,
my going to the grave?
Can dust give you praise or proclaim your truth?”
The Lord listened and had pity.
The Lord came to my help.
For me you have changed my mourning into dancing,
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.
So my soul sings psalms to you unceasingly.
O Lord my God, I will thank you for ever.

1 comment:

  1. Looking around has a way of putting things in perspective. I truly pray that you will find yourself full of joy these next 3 months. There is a great miracle taking place inside of you :)

    God is good. No, He's so much more than that.